What to Wear to the Wedding {Dress Codes De-Coded}

As we continue into the most popular season for weddings, it’s inevitable that you have received at least one invitation to attend a wedding celebration.  And depending on the location and timing of the event, you’ve probably also had at least one moment of panic as you wonder what you are going to wear.

With so many things to consider- tradition to climate to formality to terrain- it’s no wonder the etiquette for wedding guest attire has gone cloudy for most. So when the men’s clothier Paul Fredrick contacted us to weigh in on the subject we jumped at the opportunity to join in the conversation!

This infographic is a handy reference guide Paul Fredrick put together in conjunction with a team of stylists, wedding specialists, and the like. At first glance you can see how the formality progresses as the day goes along.

We thought we could elaborate on this even further by discussing the fine line between tradition and our thoughts on how to dress your best for every style of wedding- for both men and women.

Formal- After 6p

Wedding ceremonies beginning at 6p or later call for your most polished duds- and even more so if the invitation indicates Black Tie. A tux will always be the way to go in either of these situations, polished black shoes, and we agree with this graphic that the traditional bow tie (ala Bond) is the only way to go (and besides, ladies do you not agree the men look so dapper in a bow tie?).

Sara + Dylan Photography

Ladies you’ll want to pick out a dress, tea-length to floor length (black tie), to really seal the deal at a formal wedding. If you have straps, bring a shawl or bolero to cover your shoulders if the ceremony is held at a church. And let’s weigh in on the debate over whether you can wear white or black to this affair. In short, we think black is chic and is completely acceptable. White? Though times have changed a bit and traditions have loosened we still agree with etiquette and say let the bride be the only one shining in white.

Semi Formal- Before 6p

Ceremonies beginning at 5:30p or earlier call for a less formal look, though by no means casual. Guys look cool and polished in a dark suit- think dark navy or gray. A slim tie or vest (with a jacket over top) is acceptable in this situation too.

Ampersand Studios

Ladies will look for what we call cocktail attire for this style of event. With the exception of a floor length gown, you can often intermix the attire requirements for a formal and semi formal event. One rule we live by- for cocktail attire, keep the hemline at the knee, longest at the calf. We are not clubbing so let’s leave the super short dresses at home, ok?

Casual- Before 6p

If the wedding invitation clearly states a casual celebration, don’t overdress for the occasion. Men can look to lighter fabrics like khaki, poplin, or seersucker (tradition holds this to Memorial day through Labor day only if you’re really by the book).  A sport coat would be the way to go here, though guys can even get by with a nice dress shirt, tie, and slacks sans the jacket (Paul Fredrick has a great selection of looks here), loafers or other less formal dress shoe, and a smile. And by no means are you allowed to wear jeans to a wedding.

Ampersand Studios

A more casual wedding can also be considered “garden party” attire for the ladies. Think summery fabrics (cotton, linen, light silks), and getting a little more colorful in patterns is acceptable (and don’t worry- it doesn’t have to be florals). The most important issue to note here is the terrain.  Most of our garden party or casual weddings have included grass or other nature to contend with, so consider wearing flats or wedges to avoid sinking or other ankle rolling debacles.

Resort Chic- Anytime

With more and more destination weddings becoming the go-to celebration, we’ve found a lot of would-be guests struggling to find the right seaside look. Unless Black Tie or other formality is indicated, much lighter fabrics and styles of dresses (ie: we would find the maxi dress totally acceptable in this situation) are the norm. Depending on the locale, men would even be good to go in flat-front khaki shorts and a button down shirt with loafers.

And there you have it- the complete thought list on what we think your guests should be wearing. We would love to have you weigh in on the discussion- what are your thoughts on wedding attire and formality?

The Modern Receiving Line

Receiving lines used to be the mainstay- you know, the awkward, time consuming line we've all been made to stand in to greet and well wish about 15 people we didn't know. Thankfully, the tradition has gone to the wayside a little, and couples are getting a little more creative with how they greet their guests. The fact is, even if you only have 80-100 people attending your ceremony or reception (a relatively small wedding, comparably), you'd still have to allot anywhere from 30 seconds to one minute per person. Just imagine if you have the 'average' guest list, which is anywhere from 150-200 people. Yikes.

The few times I have seen a receiving line make it into the timeline normally stems from one or two factors: 1) There is a family member insisting on the tradition or 2) There is a family member insisting on the tradition and only the bride and groom are greeting the line. While I'd still like to see the whole thing quietly make a permanent exit, the latter of the two is better than the former. If you're open to modernizing the idea (making sure you greet all of your guests at your wedding), here are some great ways that still ensure you say hi to everyone. Oh, and your guests will thank you. I affectionately call this 'receiving line' theVisit During Dinner Mingle: Here's how it works: Since you're the bride and groom, we make sure you two eat first, whether that means we'll be sending a bridal platter out so you can avoid the buffet line or that you'll receive your first two courses at the same time to make sure you are essentially done first. This will give you time to go table to table and say hi, while your guests are seated. We add the mingling to your timeline and allot anywhere from 30 minutes to 45 minutes to allow you to do this. This is my favorite way, and although we can't promise you we won't tap you on the shoulder every now and then when one table gabs for too long, it does make for a much more relaxed situation.

Other ideas might include leaving a personal (handwritten) note at each place setting thanking your guests, or even just making sure you're part of the cocktail hour to be around your guests. I still always recommend the visit during dinner, since this seems to be the best way for couples to actually talk to every single person attending their wedding.

Did you come up with any other ideas that worked well to fit your mingle in? Do tell!

Dealing With A Gap Between The Ceremony And Reception

If you have a time gap between your ceremony and reception, you most likely have one of two scenarios going on:

1) You're getting married at a church, and your time block choices are Noon, 2:00p, or 7:00p in the evening.

2) You've decided not to see each other before the ceremony, and need some time after the ceremony to take pictures (more on this in another post).

If Scenario #1 is yours, you're forced to work around church policy and therefore only have a few choices...especially when you wanted to have a more evening reception- but not late evening.

* Try to keep the time gap no longer than 2 hours. If you can choose the 2:00 time slot, do so because this would start your reception around 4:00p. Any longer than 2 hours and you're sure to lose a handful of guests.

* You must create a structured activity for your guests. Sure, letting your guests stroll around downtown for 2 hours sounds great, but in reality your guests will be uncomfortable and confused, especially if they are from out of town. Research local amenities and tours, such as the Boise Trolley, or plan for a pre-cocktail hour at a nearby restaurant.

* Even better: plan for your cocktail hour to begin at 3:00p, and plan for the wedding party to arrive at 4:00p. This gives you and family 2 hours for pictures, only stalls your guests for one hour and lessens the chances of a dwindling guest list.

If Scenario #2 is your plan:

* My first recommendation is to not allow a gap at all. As mentioned before- your guests are accustomed to attending the ceremony and then reception immediately after. Plan for a cocktail hour if you need to distract your guests while you take pictures.

* Take as many pictures as possible before the ceremony, ensuring only 1 hour is needed after the ceremony.

Making your guests wait any longer will create restlessness. Make sure there is plenty of food with their drinks so you don't arrive to a crowd of tipsy guests.

What other ideas did you implement to entertain your guests?

Headcounts And What Your RSVP Really Means

If you're a human being, the odds are likely that you've been invited to be a guest at someone's wedding at some point in your years. And if you've experienced both sides of a wedding- i.e. you've been a bride or groom, or a contributing party to the wedding- you likely understand that a guest's reply means much more than just a seat at the reception.

I recently planned a wedding that featured many guests dropping at the last minute, despite their original "will attend" replies. The poor bride ended up frustrated and threw out her plans for assigned tables all together. In discussing this with the catering manager, it became clear that a blog post about guests behaving badly had to happen, and fast.

When you RSVP (Repondez, S'il Vous Plait for all you Frenchies out there), you are not only reserving a chair at a table for the reception, but may also be reserving: a chair cover, a sash, a minimum serving of hors d'oeuvres, a plate of food, a charger plate, a silverware setting rental, a napkin rental, a water glass, a wine glass, a favor, a cake slice, a cake plate and napkin, and, if you happen to be the guest that pushes the table count over into having to provide another guest table, you are also reserving a whole other table, linen, and centerpiece. Doesn't sound so cheap, huh?

Because final head counts are normally required to be to the caterer and/or venue 7-14 days prior, if you decide at the last minute not to attend, the bride and groom will still pay for your spot and everything it took to give you a place setting. This cost, in total, can be anywhere from $50.00/person to hundreds of dollars per person.

So, in conclusion: hopefully you'll think past the just empty seat you'll be leaving if you decide at the last minute not to attend..because in fact you're actually costing the bride and groom more than if you shown up in the first place.

Guests To Honor With A Flower

It can be so confusing when ordering flowers, and trying to make sure you don't offend anyone by not providing a flower. A general guide when to corsages and boutonnieres for your guests is as follows:

* Immediate Family: The "immediate" stops at about your grandparents- so your parents, siblings, and grandparents. Sometimes, if you're particularly close to an aunt or uncle, it's nice to honor them as well. Remember that any spouse of an honored guest also gets a flower.

* Readers or speakers: Anyone that has a part in the ceremony needs a flower.

* Officiant: Although some will choose not to wear their flower due to their robe, it's still good etiquette to offer them one.

* Any other guests you want to visually honor: Close family friend, a cousin that can be considered your best friend.

Finally, a nice tip for corsages: I always prefer a wrist corsage or a small bouquet for your honored lady guests; the traditional pinned corsages are so heavy, and often need to be pinned on to a bra strap to prevent them from drooping. Many women wear silk and other delicate fabrics and tend to cringe when we have to place two large floral pins into them.

- Happy planning!

Preparing Your Guests For An Outdoor Wedding

Dreaming of an outdoor ceremony or reception? While getting married alongside nature is always beautiful, guarantee your guests will see the beauty too by taking these few extra steps in your planning process.

Mention In Your Invitations If There Will Be Grass or Sand

Even just a simple line on your enclosure card will do : " Our wedding will be outside on the grass, so be sure to bring shoes you can move in!"

This will let your lady guests know to wear shoes that won't aerate the grass or have them stuck in one spot; if they still decide to wear heels- at least you warned them!

Another great gesture in addition to this is to provide fun dancing-friendly shoes such as flip flops.

Provide For The Elements

Getting married in the heat of the summer? Be sure to provide shade, even if your ceremony is only going to last 15 minutes. Consider umbrellas for the ladies, or rent market-style umbrellas to shade the aisle or guest tables. When mapping out the spot for your ceremony altar point, go to the spot at the time of day you are planning on for the ceremony. Make sure the sun isn't shining right into your guests' faces.



If you think there's a chance of a cold chill in an evening wedding, consider lap blankets, renting heaters, and even a warm drink such as passed hot chocolate for your guests.

Plan For Nature

Getting married by the river? Whether you are or not, the possibility of bugs and/or mosquitoes is still there- look into bug remedies and possibly even consider having the area sprayed a day or two ahead of time.

These gestures for your guests will ensure a smooth, memorable day- and will sure to win you the prize for Hostess of the Year!

~Happy Planning!

{Photo by Amore Photography And Design}

Organized Chaos

The term "organized chaos" might be something you'd hear if you were stuck in the back room with a bunch of wedding planners: we often refer to weddings as organized chaos. Why? Because a wedding employs several elements that *could* lead to potential disaster if you're not on top of them: Lots of people that don't know where to go or what they're doing, a timeline of events to get through, and a list of vendors that need to operate as a team.

So when a bride expresses her disdain at the idea of having escort cards or a seating chart, visions of confused guests with deer-in-headlight looks on their face cross my mind. Not at all matching up with the mingling the bride is envisioning.

Kelly Ashworth, of Kelly Ashworth Designs recently posted about this very issue, and she found a great solution: Martha Stewart. Martha is now offering a great tool online to make creating your seating chart or diagram less of a chore.



Here in Idaho, buffet style meals are very popular, and therefore there is often not any assigned seating. I still always recommend to my clients that they at least assign tables (guests can sit anywhere at the table) to cut down a little on the bottle neck phenomenon.

Happy Planning!

Choosing the Style of Meal

So many decisions will go into planning your reception- after all this is the party "they" are referring to when you hear that it's 'The Biggest Party of Your Life'. One of the bigger decisions will be the menu, and how you will serve it. When I meet with a bride, I always ask questions that go beyond just how they want their reception to look- I want to get a picture of the feeling they're after. Are you picturing coziness with lots of mingling? Or maybe you've got your heart on the grandest of White Tie affairs. The dinner portion of your reception will take up a good hour or more of your reception, so you'll want to be sure to match the style of meal to the style of reception you're after.

Family Style

This is a growing trend, and it's a fresh take the buffet style dinner. Instead of having your guests wait in a line with their plates to grab their food, your caterer will place the food in the center of each guest table. This style of meal encourages your guests to chat with one another since they will be passing dishes. If you have a large guest count, a family style meal will cut down on line and wait time, thus lowering the amount of time you have to allot for dinner. If you are planning a semi-formal to more casual event, this is a great option.

Cons: because the entire meal is placed in the center of the table, you will have to cut down considerably on the amount of items on the table- centerpieces, favors, etc.

Heavy Hors D'oeuvres

Many caterers and brides alike consider a buffet with heavy hors d'oeuvres a great meal option, and it's especially popular here in Idaho. While this is a buffet style meal, it's a popular option because you're able to offer a wide variety of food, with the cost being comparable to a single entree meal option. This style of meal is good for a semi-formal event, and is fine to serve right at normal dinner hours. Just be sure to pick out true heavy hors d'oeuvres- filling items like sandwiches, quiches, meat kabobs, etc., as your guests will likely eat and drink the same as they would at an event hosting a full meal.

Cons: Many brides automatically choose heavy hors because they think it will cost less. Because your caterer will naturally have to gross up the amount of food by about 10% (no one follows the "two per person rule". Trust me. It's just a good formula to get a base calculation of the amount of food you're looking at), and you'll have to provide enough of a variety to fill your guests up, the cost will almost always be the same, if not more, than a full entree meal.

Plated

The plated meal is best for the formal evening wedding. Your guests will likely have assigned seating, and each course of meal will be passed by servers. Other variations on the plated meal would be to have the salad and bread course already placed by the time your guests are seated, or if you're opposed to having full separate courses, servers can bring plates with small portions of the full meal to your guests.

Cons: While not really a con, more of a reminder that you'll have to allot much more time for the dinner portion of your timeline to allow adequate time for your guests to finish each course and for the passing and removal of plates in between those courses.

Light Hors D'oeuvres or Dessert Style

The least formal style of meal options, the light hors and dessert receptions are best offered at times other than the normal dinner (or lunch) hours. A dessert reception is great if you're planning a later wedding and reception, say 8 o'clock. The light hors option is great for either a later party or even a day-time wedding. In either case, choose times other than 4-6 pm (normal dinner hours) or 12-2 pm (normal lunch hours). No matter what, I think it's always a good idea to mention the meal style in your invitations: "Light snacks and beverages to follow" or "Desserts and Champagne to follow" are good ways to make sure your guests don't show up starving.

These are just some of the options you can consider when planning your reception meal. What other ideas have you (or your caterer) come up with? If your wedding has already passed, what did you like or didn't like about the style of meal you chose?

{Etiquette Q&A} The Encore Bride

Many wonder whether it's appropriate for a second-time or an older bride to have a Bridal Shower. The answer: Yes! The dynamics of the shower just may be need to be a little different than a traditional shower, however.

In both cases, the bride most likely has most of her necessities (cookware, linens, etc.), so you may need to get creative as to what type of shower you have. Consider any hobbies or activities the bride enjoys, such as gardening (gift the bride gardening tools, reading materials, seeds, flower pots, etc.) or reading (gift the bride books to add to her collection). Or consider hosting an activity shower: entertainment (everyone attends a play or show, with lunch after), or a spa party. Another idea? Just "shower" the bride with attention and good company. Host a luncheon complete with a spread of hors, crumpets, and beverages of your choice. Include good music and good friends and mingle the afternoon away.

What are some non-traditional shower themes you've seen or attended?